


Evan Hansen is a Theater Nerd

by noxic



Series: Time Falls Away When I'm With You [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Happy Ending, M/M, No Romance, One-Sided Attraction, Oneshot, Pining, at least not in this installment just some, trying to fix a broken friendship, very light angst but mostly happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 00:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11242443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxic/pseuds/noxic
Summary: Set after the events of "Crying in the Dark at 3am"Jared and Evan see each other in person for the first time since graduation when Jared comes home from college for winter break. Finding their balance after they cried apologies to each other over the phone in the middle of the night a few weeks ago is tricky, but they figure it out.





	Evan Hansen is a Theater Nerd

**Author's Note:**

> In other words: Jared and Evan bond over their long and embarrassing history, and Jared is still super fucking gay.

When winter break rolls around, Jared couldn’t be happier. He’s in desperate need of a break from solving page-long equations and building 3D models in a program he barely understands, and he actually finds himself embarrassingly excited to see his mom, even though it’s only been a few weeks since he came home for Thanksgiving.

 But as much as he’s hyped up for home cooking and Hanukkah presents and  seeing his relatives that come to visit during the holiday season, his heart skips a beat when he thinks about how this is the first time he’s going to see Evan in person since they graduated high school. For Thanksgiving, Evan had made the trip out to Colorado to visit his dad, something he insisted he couldn’t get out of even though he _really_ wanted to see Jared after their talk all those weeks ago. Jared had been disappointed, but chose to just drown his feelings in mashed potatoes and sleep until his mom woke him up at midnight to go Black Friday shopping with his cousins.

 But now there’s nothing keeping them apart. Sure, Evan works during the day and sometimes has class, but Jared knows for a fact that his evenings are generally free (he checked with Heidi to make sure).

 The day he pulls up to his mom’s house in his old-but-well-loved car, he’s practically shaking with excitement. If his mom notices how his smile doesn’t let up as he brings his suitcases up to his old bedroom, she doesn’t say anything. When he tells her he’s heading over to the Hansens’ not twenty minutes after unpacking, she just smiles, gives him a hug, and tells him to be home in time for dinner.

 The route from Jared’s house to Evan’s is one that he could probably trace in his sleep. Three blocks down the road, make a right, drive for five minutes, destination is on the left. It’s right on the edge of their neighborhood, in an area he used to be scared to play in before he started hanging out there with Evan. He notes the empty driveway when he pulls up to the house, because Heidi is definitely at work. Evan will be alone. Maybe he can even convince him to come over for dinner? That would be perfect, he thinks.

 Jared raises a finger to the buzzer, practically bouncing with excitement.

 He stops when his finger brushes the button, and his stomach clenches with anxiety. Fuck, he really doesn’t have time for this, but his stupid shitty brain chooses that moment to remind him of all the ways he fucked up with Evan. All the insults, the harsh comments, the teasing, and the months of giving Evan the cold shoulder...all of it comes rushing to the forefront of his mind, and he wonders briefly if Evan will change his mind about trying to fix their friendship once he sees Jared in person. Once he sees how noticeably broken Jared still is in every conceivable way.

 (Realistically, he knows that probably won’t happen. But _still_.)

 He stares at his finger on the doorbell and frowns--at himself, at the situation, at his inability to function like a normal goddamn human person--before steeling himself and just laying on the buzzer as obnoxiously as possible. He rings once, twice, three times, and then just holds it down to produce a continuous, grating noise that’s sure to bring Evan running.

 Sure enough, the door swings open to reveal Evan ( _holyfuckit’sactuallyhim_ ) wearing an all-too familiar look of panic and uncertainty as he rushes to find out who the fuck is practically beating down his door.

 He stops short when he sees Jared, mouth hanging open and eyes wide, and if Jared was a little more cocky than he actually is, he might even say that Evan was blushing a little. As it is, he sees the light dusting of red across Evan’s cheeks and blames it on the other boy’s anxiety.

 “J-Jared?” Evan says. Jared fights against the flush that creeps up his own neck hearing his childhood friend say his name in that familiar way that he has. “What are you--um, what are you doing here? I thought you weren’t getting in until tonight and--and your mom, you, uh…” He pauses, shakes his head like he’s trying to clear out all the words that keep getting clogged on their way out of his mouth. “Did you get home early?”

 “Nope,” Jared says, surprisingly level. “Just pulled in, like, less than an hour ago I think?” He considers doing the math in his head before sort of laughing at himself for even having the idea. “Yeah, something like that.”

 “Did you come straight here?” Evan’s eyes are still wide, and his tone is full of incredulity that Jared chooses to ignore.

 “Pretty much,” he says instead. “Stopped at my mom’s house to drop shit off, of course, but that took like five minutes. I wanted to see you.” _Gayyy_ , says the little voice in the back of Jared’s mind. _Shut the fuck uuup_ , he says to the little voice.

 Evan’s blush is undeniable now, and he’s actually speechless for a moment before he seems to realize that they’re still standing in the front entryway. “Uh, come on in,” he says, shuffling awkwardly out of the way. Jared enters, kicks off his shoes, and heads into the living room like he always used to when visiting. He’s determined to not make this weird.

 Evan, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have gotten the memo, because the way he’s not-so-subtly sneaking glances at Jared in between staring at his socks makes Jared think that he’s waiting for a bomb to drop. Like he’s waiting for Jared to snap or shatter or just start yelling. It’s giving Jared anxiety, especially when he stands in the middle of the living room, looking uncertain of himself while Jared takes his usual place on the couch.

 “Dude, will you fucking sit down please? You’re making me nervous.” Jared _really_ hopes his tone is light enough that his old-slash-new-slash-family-friend doesn’t take it the wrong way. Evan’s inability to read Jared’s sense of humor, and Jared’s inability to act in a way that _doesn’t_ make him seem like a total bag of dicks is _kind of_ what got them into this situation in the first place.

“Uh, right, sorry,” Evan says, taking a seat in Heidi’s chair several feet away from Jared. _Jesus fuck, this is going to be harder than I thought_.

 There’s a moment of silence, then, and it feels almost like a panic-inducing game of tug-of-war. Like they’re each trying to hold out on being the first to talk, because if either of them fucks up, it could be _for good_ this time. Neither of them want to shatter the illusion that they’ve built in the last few minutes--the illusion that this is just a normal visit for Jared, like they haven’t been estranged since before they graduated high school.

 Evan won’t look up from where his eyes are trained on the coffee table, so he probably can’t see the way Jared’s eyes pass over him, try to read him and get a feel for where they stand. What can Jared say that won’t set him off? What should he avoid? Should he take the initiative? Should he apologize again, or is that phase of the healing finished for now? He looks at Evan like all of these questions will be answered in the way his shoulders droop low as they always have. In the end, all he gathers is that Evan is _not_ going to start this conversation.

 So he opens his mouth and starts talking.

 “Hey, do you remember that time when we were twelve and your mom sent you to camp with me because she thought it was your best chance at making friends? But as soon as we got there they randomly assigned us to the same cabin, so we just ended up hanging around each other the whole time?” _What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you bringing this up you stupid fuck??_ “And you never talked so all the other kids thought we were some sort of weird telepath twins or something?”

 By some miracle, that pulls a tiny, airy laugh out of Evan. “Y-Yeah, uh, I think the first time I actually said anything was during one of those, um--” he waves his hand around vaguely in the air, snapping his fingers as he tries to remember what he’s saying.

 “The evening campfire things?” Jared provides. Evan nods, wagging a finger at Jared appreciatively.

 “Yeah, that. It was at one of those and all I said was something--something stupid like, um, ‘can I go to the bathroom’ or something, and somebody actually screamed.” Jared laughs.

 “I seriously did not remember that,” Jared says around his snickering. “But I remember there was one point where we were sitting together eating lunch or something that someone came right up to us and said to me, ‘Hey, can you tell Evan he needs to go to the art room after lunch to get his project’ and I was just like ‘okay.’ But I just kinda tapped you on the arm and you nodded. That girl’s face, I swear to fuck. I think she thought we were seriously reading each other’s minds or some shit. I think people thought you were deaf or something too.”

 Evan’s smile, shaky as it is, stays put. “When, uh. When we were going into middle school, back when I was first starting to get like, really bad, I seriously thought about pretending to be sometimes just so people wouldn’t try to talk to me.” Jared chokes on nothing and fights the tears that well up in his eyes at the thought of Evan Hansen plotting out a lie that elaborate even as far back as middle school.

 “I-I mean,” Evan says, when Jared’s laughter turns into uncontrollable howling. “Like, I know it probably wouldn’t have worked anyways since I’ve always been kind of a shi- um, a terrible liar, especially back then. And I’m like, really jumpy with loud noises too so there’s that. I wouldn’t have made it a week with that act.” He tries for a real smile that comes out crooked, and actually looks Jared in the face, even though Jared is practically dead with laughter at this point.

 “I-I’m sorry dude!” Jared says, wiping a tear when he catches a breath. “That’s just pretty fucking extra even for you!” Evan cocks an eyebrow.

 “What’s that supposed to--? I’m not _extra_ …” His hands drift towards the hem of his polo shirt in a way Jared knows means he’s feeling uncomfortable. He considers dropping the issue, but the look of genuine confusion on Evan’s face is like an invitation to remind Evan that he’s completely fucking oblivious about anything to do with his real actual personality (instead of the fake one made up by Evan’s mental illness that he knows Evan is convinced makes him a terrible, defective person).

 “Uhm, fucking _excuse you_?” Jared says dramatically, leaning forward. Evan doesn’t flinch, which Jared takes as a positive sign to continue. “Evan, no offense, but when you’re not freaking out about shit, you’re literally the most dramatic person I know. You’re like, the definition of extra. You’re a drama queen.”

 “What are you _talking_ about?” Evan’s tone is one of complete disbelief. Jared eyes him for a moment before taking a deep breath.

 “Okay,” he says evenly. “First of all, I want you to know that everything I’m about to say comes from a place of love and loyalty, alright?” He doesn’t wait for Evan to answer. “Do you remember the time in 8th grade with Rachel Samson? The weird horse girl that always brought that huge fucking pouch of markers out in class?”

 Evan flushes a deep red, and Jared feels vindication start to rise in his chest as he continues. “You literally waxed fucking poetic about that girl for weeks, Evan. You were always like ‘she’s such a good artist, she’s so in tune with nature and the world’ and blah blah blah. Like, I know it’s just ‘cause you liked her, but she literally brought pages from a _Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron_ coloring book to class in the 8th fucking grade and you acted like she was fucking Leo da Vinci or some shit!”

 Jared has the image in his mind’s eye of a scrawny, short, prepubescent Evan sitting at a table in the cafeteria, staring at Rachel Samson on the other side of the room while she picked the colorful bits off a cosmic brownie and put them in a pile. Rachel had moved away later that year, and Jared had never seen Evan so dejected. It reminded Jared of the way a dog pouted after its owner left for work for the day.

 He tells Evan as much. “I swear to fuck, you said some of the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard about how you thought you guys were going to be good friends because she let you borrow her eraser one time in class and you actually managed to say thank you, and somehow that meant you were actually meant to be or some shit. I mean, you didn’t say it like that, but you might as well have. Face it, Evan, you’re a dramatic bitch.”

 Evan looks like he wants to refute what Jared is saying, but can’t find a good way to. Jared raises his eyebrows expectantly.

 “Hm,” Evan finally says, with an air of finality. Jared chalks that up as a victory.

 “I’m glad you’re finally seeing the you inside of you,” Jared says, reaching over to clap a hand over Evan’s knee, hoping to God that it’s okay that he does only after he’s already got his hand in place. Evan flinches almost imperceptibly, and Jared thinks _woops maybe that was too far_ before pulling his hand back.

 “Was that a-a _Heathers_ reference?” Evan says before another awkward silence can ensue. Jared’s mouth drops open.

 “Holy fuck, Evan, are you telling me that you’ve _actually_ been a closet theater nerd all this time and never told me?”

 “I dunno about that…” Evan’s hands ball up in the hem of his shirt. “I just really like musicals lately? That’s just the, uh, last one I listened to.”

 “Wow,” Jared says. “I get it now. The flair for dramatics, the surprisingly impressive ability to improvise even though you think you’re no good at it, _and_ you appreciate musicals? Dude, if you weren’t so anxious all and stage-fright-y the time, you definitely would have been a theater kid back in high school. No doubt.”

 “Really?”

 “Fuck yeah, dude!” Jared leans forward again and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Maybe you could try it out in college or something. I bet you’d be good at it.” Evan blanches.

 “Uh, no offense Jared, but uh--I’m still. I’m still _me_. I can’t do like, _performing_ stuff.” Evan says the word _‘performing’_ in the same tone one might use to talk about starring in weird fetish porn. Jared rolls his eyes.

 “ _‘No offense’_ but what the fuck ever,” he says. “I think you’ve probably got more of a knack for it than you think you do. I don’t wanna be a dick here, but you did have basically the whole world convinced you were best friends with a kid you barely knew.” For a second, Jared sees Evan’s body tense and he worries that maybe it’s still too soon to joke about that. But then Evan visibly relaxes, and he just grumbles under his breath “everyone but Alana, I guess…”

 Jared, caught off guard by the lack of negative reaction, takes a second to realize that Evan is somehow _agreeing_ with him. “Yeah,” he says with a small smile on his lips. “But that doesn’t count, Alana’s a fucking genius. I’m honestly kinda surprised she kept up with the whole thing as long as she did.”

Evan looks up at Jared, and for a second their eyes meet. Evan has this look that Jared interprets to mean something along the lines of ‘ _Is this really okay? Are we doing this? Are we really good now?_ ’ and Jared just raises both eyebrows as if to say ‘ _Why the fuck not?_ ’

 “T-To be honest,” Evan says after a beat of silence. “Me too.” Jared laughs, and Evan’s ghost of a smile transforms into something bigger, bringing his whole face to life in a way that Jared has hardly ever seen, but has always loved. Evan’s lips spread wide open to reveal both rows of teeth, and Jared knows for a fact that this smile is rare.

 This is Evan, unafraid to show off everything he’s got, embraced by the quiet privacy of his own home in this small moment of joviality between friends--because that’s what they are now. Mutually acknowledged friends. No more high school bullshit, no more peer pressure.

 Weeks ago, Evan and Jared had made some semblance of peace. But here, in this moment--this feels like the reconciliation that Jared has been waiting for. It feels real and raw and _warm_. Part of Jared wants to cry. The rest of him firmly keeps a lid on that part so that Jared doesn’t have to deal with it right now.

 He knows that there will be hard times in the future. Being friends with Evan--being forgiven and forgiving in return, making things comfortable like they haven’t been for years--that’s just the first step. Evan is still anxiety-ridden and Jared is still depressed, and the little voice in Jared’s head that chants a never-ending stream of ‘ _dude you’re so fucking gay_ ’ every time he sees Evan’s face go pink will probably be around for quite a while, especially now that he’s gradually getting permission to get closer. But for now, those problems seems too small to bother with.

 And for the first time in a long time, Jared feels big.

**Author's Note:**

> I live for the "two friends who had a falling out slowly piece their friendship back together and come out stronger than before" trope. I'm also a huge slut for the idea of Evan Hansen realizing he has Ben Platt's singing voice and using theater and music to come out of his shell and help with his anxiety.
> 
> Also, yes, romance is coming. Just...not yet. Should I start tagging the non-romantic ones Gen instead of M/M?
> 
> Also: BIG thanks to everyone who liked and commented on part one of this series! I basically live off of feedback, so if you liked this installment lemme know in the comments pls!


End file.
